James Ensor, American Renaissance, October 17, 2020
This is part of our continuing series of accounts by readers of how they shed the illusions of liberalism and became race realists.
I was raised to be a liberal Democrat, and to believe that anyone who was not was stupid, evil, or both. Both of my parents were mentally unwell and had great difficulty understanding other people. They would often express irrational fears that others had dark motives, and spent a great deal of time furiously denouncing them. I think their mental condition was the basis of their political views. I was always uncomfortable around my parents, and never wanted to be like them.
It is often said that people are predisposed by their genes to have certain political views, and I believe this was true in my case. I knew from a young age that there were profound differences between people, and always had a strong instinctive preference for some people over others. I never believed that different types of people should be forced to associate with each other, or that there was much benefit in mixing everyone together. At the same time, though, I was indoctrinated to have views that went against my nature.
I was always taught that “racism” was an egregious moral offense, more so than any actual crime. No one ever gave me any reason to believe that different races were equal in intelligence or any other quality. However, my parents made it clear that any white person who preferred their own kind to another race or ethnic group was simply despicable. They often expressed the type of intense hatred towards “racists” that they accused “racists” of having towards others.
When I was younger, I went along with this hateful mindset because I was not mature enough to see it for what it was. For most of my life, I never encountered anyone who openly dissented from the standard view on race. Thus denouncing “racists” was a low-effort way to feel morally superior without risking any personal conflict.
Starting at the age of 18, I began identifying as a libertarian. I read several libertarian books, such as Free to Choose by Milton Friedman, as well as engaging with libertarian commentary on social media. I was convinced that theirs was a more accurate worldview than the left-wing thinking I had been accustomed to. Not only could they argue more rationally, but the attitude of personal responsibility libertarians expressed was clearly healthier than the mindset I had been taught by my parents, which focused on resentment for perceived injustices. I participated in libertarian groups in college and was impressed with the level-headed and well-adjusted nature of the people I met there.
As a libertarian, I never supported affirmative action, and never thought much about immigration. However, I still had an implicitly anti-white mindset. I found it much easier to take pride in the achievements of non-white groups such as the Mayans or the Cherokee, which I have no relation to, than in the history of my own race or nation, which I found to be mostly boring. I spent a great deal of time studying European languages, but this was motivated by a strong sense of aesthetics rather than a conscious racial or ethnic identity.
While attending college, Jared Taylor made an appearance at my school. I was considering attending simply to photograph the “crazy racist,” as I called him at the time. Unfortunately I missed the event, so it was several more years before I was exposed to — and convinced by — dissident views on racial issues.
I first learned about racial differences in IQ by reading Charles Murray and Richard Herrnstein’s The Bell Curve during my time in college. It was immediately obvious to me that they were telling the truth, both from the nature of their writing and from my personal experience. I have been surrounded by whites throughout my life, but those blacks I have encountered have been clearly less intelligent than most whites I have known. The same pattern is obvious from comparing prominent blacks to prominent whites. However, at the time I had other interests, so still didn’t spend much time thinking about racial matters.
I first became truly interested in the subject in graduate school. This was during the period known as the “Great Awokening,” when the mainstream media and the academy became much more focused on condemning white “racism” at every possible turn. I could not ignore the fact that my people were being slandered and taught to view themselves as evil. It was also clear from the racial makeup of libertarians that liberty was a far more common concern for white men than for other groups. Thus as society became less white, it would reflect my values less and less.
I first learned of the existence of the American Renaissance website at college. Someone had scrawled the web address in a bathroom stall in response to a swastika. “F— Nazis – Amren.com are the real white nationalists,” the note read. I visited the site, but initially dismissed it as “racist.” It was only as the Great Awokening grew in vitriol that I began to take the site seriously, along with similar voices, such as RamZPaul, Richard Spencer, and Greg Johnson.
I noticed patterns in online discussions about race. I found that dissidents like RamZPaul used reason and evidence, while the “anti-racist” side resorted to moral outrage and personal abuse. Much like my parents, the latter often responded to civil disagreement as if they were being personally insulted. Meanwhile, white advocates such as Jared Taylor were models of good humor. This is not a coincidence; the “anti-racist” view and good mental health do not appear to be compatible, and I trust research will come to show this more and more in the years to come. First of all, it is not healthy to live a lie. The mainstream’s claims about race are simply false, and fly in the face of personal experience. Trying to pretend otherwise is not only stressful but degrading and dispiriting. Practically all people naturally prefer their own kind. Personal relationships are formed based on similarities, not differences. But the “anti-racist” mindset would have us reject this part of our nature. Believers think that their preference for people like themselves is a terrible sin. This creates unnecessary stress which can never be resolved, because their “racism” can never be erased.
A positive identity is critical for mental health. Nationalists can maintain a healthy self-conception, as they are proud of their nation and race, something they are permanently bound to. Our opponents clearly wish to belong to a group, but as their groups are unstable, so are their identities. They think of themselves in negative terms, as shown in their terminology — “anti-racist,” “anti-fascist,” “anti-imperialist,” etc. It is not surprising that such people seem to lack self-esteem: they lack a healthy and positive view of their own persons. Nationalism offers a more natural identity, and thus a healthier life.