No Runner Left Behind

Just Not Said, October 12, 2012

The Supreme Court deliberations on the Texas affirmative action case bring to mind a terrible injustice which passed with little notice this past summer: At the London Olympics, 8 out of 8 of the sprinters in the finals of the men’s 100 meter dash were black.

And this has in fact been the case dating all the way back to 1984: 64 out of 64 finalists have been black.

In this country, the racism is even more egregious: there hasn’t been a single white man representing this country in the 4 x 100 relay since 1964.

This is the type of disparate impact which should not be tolerated in an enlightened society.

We should have a 4 x 100 sprint relay which looks like America — with at least two white members. This is not a quota, of course, merely a guideline.

Ameliorating institutional racism must start at the grass roots level. Slow white children from the suburbs should be put on remedial HeadStart exercise programs starting at age four. And white children should be encouraged to attend federally funded summer running camps.

After an initial grace period of five years, any public school at which whites don’t hold a proportional share of the school sprinting records will have its federal funding cut off. We will call this program No Runner Left Behind.

Much of the difference in performance stems from coach expectation. Coaches rarely encourage whites to go into the sprints on the mistaken assumption that they are less talented than blacks. This sort of subtle discouragement can have drastic effects on the psyche of a young athlete. Every coach must attend an indoctrination session to rid them of these erroneous racist beliefs.

We must also explore the role of other factors in the racial divide, such as prenatal nutrition, the home environment, self esteem issues, and intimidation at meets. All of these have subtly corrosive effects which must be counteracted.

And we must change a culture among young whites where running fast is considered “acting black” and looked down upon.

Perhaps it’s time to even reconsider the primacy of the stopwatch when it comes to judging runners. Perhaps we should consider stopping such a discriminatory practice and start looking at the runner holistically, as an entire person.

Just think of how much more competitive we will be internationally once we achieve the benefits of diversity. (Watch out Jamaica!)

Anyone who questions whether all this is a good use of resources, and who doubts that even with more training whites will perform up to the level of the top black sprinters, should be sent to a sensitivity training seminar. Hate speech must be eradicated.

Should anybody point out that blacks have a superior genetic predisposition to sprinting, with their proportionately long legs, their narrower hips, their fast twitch muscle fiber, and their higher testosterone levels, he will be branded a racist. He will be driven from public life, and if possible, fired from his job.

A tolerant society has no room for racial supremacists.

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  • Puggg

    Or, wait until 2016 when Christophe Lemaitre will medal in a sprinting event.

  • Jed Sant Devi

    A brilliant satire. We wish that White college students would learn to talk like this in class.  It’s called “coopting the social justice narrative,” and few tactics awaken the awareness of skeptical and suffering Whites so well, or has the power to enrage the Tolerant, Welcoming, and Inclusive, the Embracers of Diversity, and those millions of  Straight Supporters of Gay Marriage.

    His only flaw was, in “Every coach must attend an indoctrination session to rid them of these erroneous racist beliefs,” which should have read, “Every coach must attend a sensitivity session to rid them of these erroneous racist beliefs”.

  • JohnEngelman

    Whenever I see a photo of a young black male in my local newspaper he has achieved something athletically, he has been arrested, or he has been convicted. 

    • Detroit_WASP

      Or all three…like OJ Simpson, athletic achievements, arrested, convicted!   I could probably name a dozen more blackletes in prison, but why bother?

  • You denialists arguing against black athletic supremacy better get up to speed on how to argue this hokum. The transcript from recent Supreme Court arguments in favor of AA would be a good place to start. Something like:

    Why no, Justice Scalia, race will just be one of the factors we consider, an organic, not mechanical factor. Race is not a automatic factor. It’s an holistic individualized consideration in a complex, subtle process…

  • IKantunderstand

    Yay! Sarcasm! (But used to make a valid point). Man, Amren should try a writing contest of exactly this kind of sarcastic critique of the racial double standards. 

  • IKantunderstand

    Oops, I meant satire. Not sarcasm.

  • SarahConnor

    LOVE IT! 

  • Detroit_WASP

    At last, everyone else is coming around to my preposterous way of thinking. 

    I can’t wait to see blackletes lined up at the Olympics, fitted with ankle weights to slow them down so the others will have a chance.   

    And when a white guy scores a basket in the NBA it will count for 8 points instead of 2.  This will result in more white guys being recruited out of college, and more white guys in the starting line-up. 

    Young white children will no longer have to feel ashamed when walking into the school gym for PE.  It will be a new and better world!!!   😉 

  • In other words, blacks are tougher and can kick white guy’s ass and take white guy’s girl.  Whites need to push for RACIAL RIGHTS, the right to be free from biological racial oppression.

  • Excellent work.

  • Keep Honkin I’m Reloading

    I see what you did there? 🙂