Why Black Women Are Justifiably Bitter: The Bleak Relationship Picture for African-American Females

Ralph Richard Banks, NY Daily News, September 2, 2011

{snip}

Black women are the most unpartnered group of people in our nation, a dubious distinction reflected in their low rate of marriage. More than 2 out of every 3 black women are unmarried, and most unmarried black women do not have a committed partner. It’s not only economically disadvantaged black women who find themselves alone. College educated black women are twice as likely as their white counterparts to be unmarried.

This low marriage rate translates into a high rate of single-parent black families. Roughly 7 in 10 black children are born to unmarried parents. Although many of these unmarried parents are in a relationship, or even living together, at the time of their child’s birth, most of these relationships dissolve within a year or two.

{snip}

Black women can also become dispirited because they confront a relationship market with too few black men who are stable and employed. Unprecedented numbers of black men spend some portion of their young adulthood incarcerated. More than 1 in 10 black men in their 20s or early 30s is behind bars; a black man’s lifetime likelihood of losing his freedom is 1 in 4. {snip}

The paucity of desirable black men is most glaring on college campuses. Nearly twice as many black women as black men earn college degrees. Twice as many. Even those black men who might seem to be the most appealing marriage candidates–affluent college graduates–are less likely to marry than are their white counterparts. And when they do marry, they often marry women who are not black.

As a result, highly educated black women who marry wind up more likely than any other group of women to marry a man who is less educated than they are–or who earns less money than they do. {snip}

And if all this weren’t enough to leave black women on the wrong side of happy, unmarried black women have to contend with black men who, according to social science data, are more likely than any other group of men to maintain relationships with multiple women.

{snip}

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  • Seek

    The “man shortage” among blacks is old news, even older than the Nineties-era FOX-TV black-oriented sitcom, “Living Single.” My response is always the same: If black men no longer did the things that get people sent to prison or an early grave, the shortage would disappear within several years. Such an outcome, however, requires a radical change in black behavior.

    Some people can’t make the connection. More than a few, unfortunately, are journalists.

  • margaret

    As far as college admission and jobs go, black men are far down the list. All black, asian, hispanic, pacific islander, middle eastern, indian, martian, venusian, plutonian etc women are ahead of black men.

    Black men are just ahead of White women in the preference list.

    So where are all these educated black women supposed to meet men like themselves?

    There are so few men in many work places it is a wonder any woman meets a husband.

    The real problem with black women is that they treat everybody, not just potential mates like female nazi prison camp guards from some 1943 propaganda movie.

    Even other black women and their own children can’t stand to be around them,so why would black men put up with them?

    My answer to all this weeping and wailing and rending of garments re the lack of decent black men is that who raised those black men? Who either drove their fathers away with their vicious tongues or just found a sperm donor?

    A lot of Freud was Fraud, but one thing he had right, the way a child is raised has a lot to do with how the child will turn out.

  • Anonymous

    The absence of available black mates is only part of the problem for black women. These black women also need to consider that they are less desirable to all other races. How many black women are paired with non-black men? I rarely see it. And to black women, it’s hardly a secret. So in my opinion, there are just as many undesirable black men as there are black women.

  • E Pluribus Pluribus

    Broadly speaking there are two models for bringing children into the world: the “responsible model” — high parental investment (from both the father and mother) of time and resources in raising children — and the “irresponsible model” — low parental investment (from the father and mother) of time and resources.

    Virtually all public policy — federal, state and local — from the civil rights era onward has rewarded irresponsible parenting and punished — via high taxation and other policies — responsible parenting. The result has been a dramatic increase in irresponsible parenting: from 24 percent of out-of-wedlock births for African-American mothers in 1965 to 72 percent in 2008; and from 3.1 percent of out-of-wedlock births for white mothers in 1965 to 29 percent in 2008.

    Hypothetical: IF “the state” had NOT become the de facto provider of so many black and poor white children, would their fathers have become so irresponsible? Would these fathers have watched their children go hungry or suffer from lack of shelter?

    Would these children’s mothers have been so willing to procreate out of wedlock.

    An emphatic “NO” is suggested by the short video below:

    VIDEO: Swipe ‘yo EBT (4 minutes)

    http://tinyurl.com/3zahreq

  • Jeddermann.

    “College educated black women are twice as likely as their white counterparts to be unmarried”

    Oprah had a whole program dealing with this subject. The highly educated, professional and successful black business women who are unable to find a suitable mate among her own kind.

    Women who get married to the “professional” black man and shortly find out his “profession” involved a lot of time in prison, etc.

  • Jay Stein

    Part of the problem for black women is that they refuse to date white men while at the same time there are many (too many) black man/white woman couples. While most black women find white men unattractive the feelings are mutual in many cases.

  • Observer

    Actually, I see more Black women dating White and other non-Black men. Given the circumstances, I guess they do not have much of a choice.

  • sbuffalonative

    And when they (black men) do marry, they often marry women who are not black.

    Add to the mix that many black men would rather impregnate white women instead of black women and it gets worse.

    It’s not surprising to me that many black women have children outside of marriage. I suspect many young black girls hope to snare a black man by having sex with him with the expectation that he will then become a responsible father and husband.

    We know it doesn’t work out that way.

  • MAJ

    I don’t care about black women or their relationship problems. It’s not my job to now help these promiscuous, none-too-bright government dependents (via entitlements or a some federal government position) although I sense they are beyond help.

    They created the issue. Stop whining.

    If 70% of black children are born out of wedlock then obviously these same women who are complaining are many of the ones having babies. Maybe if they didn’t have several kids, or more, to drag around with no baby daddy in sight to help they’d make themselves a better prospect for marriage.

    They should have thought of that first.

    Maybe they can use their EBT cards for an eHarmoney subscription.

    Why do they even need to report such a story?

  • I said it again.

    “most unmarried black women do not have a committed partner”.

    Most married black women don’t have a committed partner.

  • Trickster Mage

    Black women must marry down. And white women too graduate from college more often than white men. And yet, according to O Magazine, only 3% of stay spouses are men.

  • Bill R

    And of course black women bear NO responsibility in their plight. Maybe if they didn’t start having sex at 12, didn’t have children out of wedlock, and didn’t “act the ho” for every swaggering black male that comes along……..oh never mind. Educated, uneducated, rich, poor, middle class, low class….black males in aggregate are promiscuous, violent and criminal. But lest we be unfair, black WOMEN are even MORE aggressive, violent and attitudinal. The new thing for black men and kids seems to be packing together and attacking lone white men. The new thing for black women seems to be tearing up fast food restaurants in catfights and ganging up on lone white women. To hell with them all. Cry me a river. They bring it on themselves.

  • Adam

    Given the growing number of White men who are dating and marrying Asian women, we will most likely see a decline in marriage among White women in the near future. In fact, it is already happening.

  • Wayne

    I live in a town where I see a number of Black women who seem to be dating White and other non-Black men. These women tend to be the more sophisticated ones who watch their weight, are in good shape, have naturally beautiful hair and carry themselves in a pleasant manner.

  • Robert

    I was in a upscale restaurant recently with some friends in a major east coast city. As I was looking around the restaurant, I was shocked at how many more professional looking Black women I saw as opposed to Black men.

    This cannot be good for the future of Black families.

  • Anonymous

    I live down the street from an interracial couple. A White male/Black female couple. They have three young pre-teen kids. The oldest looks to be in junior high school. They look and dress very trendy and professional.

    I wonder if she was unable or unwilling to marry a Black man.

  • Sandra

    I said it again. wrote:

    “most unmarried black women do not have a committed partner”.

    Most married black women don’t have a committed partner.

    The same can be said for many White women. I am speaking from personal experince and or some of my divorced female friends.

  • Anonymous

    6 — Jay Stein wrote at 7:53 PM on September 2:

    7 — Observer wrote at 7:56 PM on September 2:

    13 — Adam wrote at 8:46 PM on September 2:

    14 — Wayne wrote at 8:49 PM on September 2:

    16 — Anonymous wrote at 8:55 PM on September 2:

    —————————————————————-

    You all seem to be on the miscegenation train…what is happening to Amren when of late there is more and more “posters” who seem to be okay with interracial couples and even give glowing reports of such.

  • Anonymous

    17 — Sandra wrote at 9:18 PM on September 2:

    I said it again. wrote:

    “most unmarried black women do not have a committed partner”.

    Most married black women don’t have a committed partner.

    The same can be said for many White women. I am speaking from personal experince and or some of my divorced female friends.

    I agree with you. Just as many White men are promiscuous, unfaithful, disrespectful and as bad as Black and other non-White men. In fact, some are worse.

  • Rhett Butler

    Well, if all the white men marry Asians and all the black men marry white then the only option for Asian men are black. I’m a white man and I’m very partial to white women. Why aren’t all the other races partial to there own? It takes white men to make white women.

    In African and other tropical climes society is female dominated as food is readily available. Men fight over their women and the strongest and most desirable get picked by the women to be sperm donors. The children are raised like chickens with the hens.

    In northern and difficult climes where food and shelter are scarce, men and women have to work side by side to raise their children. If something happens to a parent then the whole family is in jeopardy. This creates a very special bond that easy living tropical people don’t get.

    Remember, it takes two parents to raise great children. It takes a village to raise an idiot!

  • Vince

    Statistics indicate that 91% of Black men marry Black women. 94% of Black women marry Black men. This means that Blacks by far are more likely to marry one another than other races. There are far more White male/Asian women marriages, White/ Hispanic marriages etc…

    These are the marriages that will be more problematic for us Whites if we do not address the problem.

  • DoppelGangbanger

    “You all seem to be on the miscegenation train…what is happening to Amren when of late there is more and more “posters” who seem to be okay with interracial couples and even give glowing reports of such.”

    Maybe it’s because race realism can’t flourish without freedom of association, and one characteristic of freedom of association is the ability to date or marry whoever you want.

  • Valhalla

    ‘…highly educated black women’….did you say ‘highly

    educated black women’?…what exactly do you mean by that?

    Do you mean someone who is the lowest common denominator,

    the one the professors have to ‘grade on the curve’ for?

    I’d like to see one of these ‘highly educated black women’

    write a couple of sentences without spelling or grammatical

    errors. I’d like them to perform a couple of simple algebra

    problems for me. ‘Highly educated’? HUH! Yeah, I’ll bet!

  • You didn’t ask, but here’s the truth

    It starts at birth: blacks have a significantly lower sex ratio (males/females) at birth than do whites (1.03 vs 1.05). Such a low sex ratio would make evolutionary sense in an environment where male reproductive variance is much higher than female–as where most females bear offspring, but most males do not, and the few who do, have many. In other words, the low sex ratio probably is an adaptation to many millennia of polygyny.

    The legalization of polygyny would no doubt lead to an improvement in family life among Blacks–sure, it’s not as good as monogamy, but it’s a lot better than the current outrageous promiscuity.

  • Chicagoan

    They have no right to be “justifiably bitter”. Who raised all those shiftless black men? Black women, that’s who. The problem is one they themselves created.

    Anyway, it’s mostly a polygamous society in practice so they share the men as it is. I guess the benefit of all the civil rights laws is for black men to be able to openly and relentlessly chase white women.

  • Anonymous

    18 — Anonymous wrote at 10:08 PM on September 2:

    6 — Jay Stein wrote at 7:53 PM on September 2:

    7 — Observer wrote at 7:56 PM on September 2:

    13 — Adam wrote at 8:46 PM on September 2:

    14 — Wayne wrote at 8:49 PM on September 2:

    16 — Anonymous wrote at 8:55 PM on September 2:

    ————————————————————————————————

    You all seem to be on the miscegenation train…what is happening to Amren when of late there is more and more “posters” who seem to be okay with interracial couples and even give glowing reports of such.

    Not at all! Don’t put words in my mouth! What I said was that I wonder if she was unable to find a suitable Black man. I have the same response when I see a fellow White woman with a Black or other non-White man.

  • Anonymous

    The only thing concerning me about black women is their ability or lack thereof to raise their children as productive, responsible members of society. But yeah even with all of the issues facing them in finding decent black men they are quite undesirable in terms of both physical appearance and personality.

  • Black Swan

    @17:

    Most married black women don’t have a committed partner.

    The same can be said for many White women. I am speaking from personal experince and or some of my divorced female friends.

    Anecdotal reports and personal “experinces” do not equal facts.

    Here is one on black vs. White commitment to marriage:

    Among black women, half of first marriages end in divorce, a rate that is far greater those for White, Hispanic and Asian women.

    @19:

    I agree with you. Just as many White men are promiscuous, unfaithful, disrespectful and as bad as Black and other non-White men. In fact, some are worse.

    Ha! You don’t know what you’re talking about and you are making foolish assumptions based on personal “experinces.”

    Anecdotal stories, opinions and feelings do not equal facts. Seems you could use a few.

    Why are rates of STDs so much higher in blacks than in Whites?

    The CDC estimates that 39% of Blacks (versus 12% of whites) 14-29 are infected with Herpes simplex 2, including 48% of Black women. Blacks account for 49% of all HIV diagnoses, including 64% of diagnoses for women, 66% due to heterosexual contact.

    Rates of domestic abuse/disrespect higher in blacks than Whites?

    Black women suffer a rate of domestic abuse 35% higher than that of white females. Black males experienced domestic violence at a rate about 62% higher than that of white males.

    Views on traditional or stable marriages?

    A number of studies have shown that blacks attach less value to marriage than whites. Questionnaire surveys have found that blacks are less likely than whites to agree that ‘marriage is for life.’ Two American sociologists, R. Staples and L. B. Johnson, write that ‘Blacks do not rank marriage as highly as whites.’

    In a study of an American sample of 2,059 married people, C. L. Broman found that ‘blacks are significantly less likely to feel that their marriages are harmonious and are significantly less likely to be satisfied with their marriages.’

    How about reading up a bit on marital differences between blacks and Whites before posting here again. Here are a few articles to get you started:

    http://goo.gl/VM8mc

    http://goo.gl/rWkl8

    http://goo.gl/NA380

  • Adam

    NONSENSE! I cannot speak for other posters, but there is nothing in my aforementioned post post that indicates that I to use your term “glowingly” support interracial marriages or miscegenation of any sort. What I said was that there is a growing number of White/Male Asian Female marriages in our nation. In fact as another more recent poster just mentioned, these marriages are far more numerous than White/Black ones. I was just stating a fact.

    Just because some of us decide to state some unpleasant truths does not mean that we support such behavior! Please!

    Some of you posters need to calm down and clear your emotions before you post on this website.

  • Be True To Yourself

    Sandra wrote:

    The same can be said for many White women. I am speaking from personal experinnce and or some of my divorced female friends

    Anonymous 10:15 pm wrote:

    I agree with you. Just as many White men are promiscuous, unfaithful, disrespectful and as bad as Black and other non-White men. In fact, some are worse.

    Both of you are correct. Within the past four years, three of my girlfriends have divorced their husbands. One was habitual philanderer. The other two jerks were closet gay and bisexual men.

    I am not personally hating gay people, (although I do believe that homosexuality, lesbianism and other regressive lifestyles are doing unspeakable damage to our race), but if that is a person’s sexual orientation then they should not live a life of facades. They should be open about who they are or at least have the decency to quietly engage in sex with other people of the same sexual orientation. They also put other straight people (especially women) in danger of inheriting deadly sexually transmitted diseases.

    One of friends was so devastated by the revelation of her ex-husbands sexuality, that she had to undergo counseling for depression.

    My other friend dealt with her grief and anger by suffering in silence until I encouraged her to confront the issue head one. She is now much more psychologically healthier because of doing so.

  • Harlet O’Scara

    I don’t care about black women or their relationship problems. It’s not my job to help these promiscuous, none-too-bright, government dependents.

    If 70% of black children are born out of wedlock, then obviously these same women who are complaining are many of the ones having babies. Maybe if they didn’t have several kids or more, to drag around with no baby daddy in sight, they’d make themselves a better prospect for marriage.

    — MAJ

    ____________________________

    It’s my observation, from black women I have known, that they don’t especially want the nuisance of having a full-time husband around. They just want to get some kids out of him, to satisfy their maternal urge and get some welfare. Once that’s accomplished, then his usefulness as a drone is served. They kick him out (if he doesn’t disappear first). Usually they fight over his promiscuousness, his laziness, his squandering of money (hers), and his drinking. Oh, and his inclination to violence too.

    After that, yes, they do like to have a “man” in the wings, an anonymous stud who may change frequently, but they don’t want the bother of a permanent husband who wants his meals, laundry, etc. To them, a black man is just a pest, except for sex.

    Since the government is playing father to her kids, what does she want a husband for? Uncle Sam has become her Baby-Daddy.

    [As Rhett Butler said:

    “In African and other tropical climes, society is female dominated ….the strongest and most desirable [men] get picked by the women to be sperm donors. The children are raised like chickens with the hens.”] So true!

  • SKIP

    ” More than 1 in 10 black men in their 20s or early 30s is behind bars; a black man’s lifetime likelihood of losing his freedom is 1 in 4.”

    I could be wrong, but isn’t this the fault of the BLACK MALES!! Quite a lot of White males and females AND black females will loose their LIVES because of those very same black males. Black males killing black males is of no consequence except as a savings to the taxpayers.

  • Kenelm Digby

    What is not mentioned here, but is perhaps the most cogent factor, is that blacks are simply reverting to atavistic type, as found in their native Africa, in which matriarchal females raise large broods of children from multiple fathers who have little to do with raising the children.

  • SKIP

    “16 — Anonymous wrote at 8:55 PM on September 2: said “I wonder if she was unable or unwilling to marry a Black man”

    In my experience, When White men marry black women, the women are usually very attractive, whereas, blacks will take any white women that they can get as sort of a trophy! The white women that go for blacks are usually women that Whites won’t have.I knew a very beautiful black woman that worked with me and she said she would have nothing to do with black males since they all wanted to live off of her and act like pimps!!!

  • Laager

    @ Vince

    From your statistics on black marriages above, can you tell us how long these marriages last?

    From other statistics it seems as if they do survive very long – hence the preponderance of single black women raising a multitude of kids.

    No different to Africa really

    You can read about it in Nelson Mandela’s book – Long Walk to freedom – where he discusses black polygamous extended families.

    It seems to me that what white people consider correct – i.e. two parent nuclear families – is totally foreign to the African way.

    To them the way they live, co-habitate and breed is perfectly normal and acceptable.

  • Anonymous

    19 — Anonymous wrote at 10:15 PM on September 2:

    17 — Sandra wrote at 9:18 PM on September 2:

    I said it again. wrote:

    “most unmarried black women do not have a committed partner”.

    Most married black women don’t have a committed partner.

    The same can be said for many White women. I am speaking from personal experince and or some of my divorced female friends.

    I agree with you. Just as many White men are promiscuous, unfaithful, disrespectful and as bad as Black and other non-White men. In fact, some are worse.

    ————————————————————-

    Sure there are some Whites who are bad also but when you said “just as many” are as bad as blacks, etc. that took the cake! Hardly “just as many”….Do the math. Hispanic men are well known as cheaters and domestic abusers

    The White population PER RATIO is much much higher than the black population so of course there will be SOME Whites who are “bad”. Don’t forget they are not all “white” who call themselves White. I have seen White girls and women who are “just as bad” as the men, also. They are starting younger and younger also.

  • Anonymous

    My black co-worker’s boyfriend married another woman whilst he was half living with my co-worker. The second woman was an older professional woman who bought him a good truck for work. Then he told co-worker that his step-daughters were coming on to him. He showed up at our workplace one day recently with 4 very young kids. I asked my co-worker whose kids they were. “I think they’re his,” she said. I know they are not his wife’s as she is in her 50’s. He has a harem going on. My co- worker does not concern herself with his actions when he is away from her. He is also pathologically jealous over her, and, I am sure, all his women. His mother treats my co-worker as her son’s only wife and refuses to associate with any of his other women. He is a great cook and can fix the house, takes everybody fishing and takes my co-worker to her doctor’s appointments, (she has blood clots around her heart). I don’t pretend to tell people how to conduct relationships and this situation seems intolerable to me, but I think many men of every race would prefer a sort of light responsibility polygamy if they could swing it. My white dad did it by marrying 3 times and living with other women he was not married to and sometimes those women would overlap each other in the end and beginnings of relationship.

  • Your Point Was?

    “You all seem to be on the miscegenation train…what is happening to Amren when of late there is more and more “posters” who seem to be okay with interracial couples and even give glowing reports of such.”

    I don’t support it, I just don’t have a say in the matter. No one consults with me before hooking up with someone of a different race. I’m obliged to accept it, as I am obliged to accept litter, graffiti & cars that vibrate with rap noise. The world just daily gets uglier & uglier & there isn’t squat I can do about it.