With More White Parents Adopting Black Children, Hair Care for Them Is a Needed Lesson

Bonnie Miller Rubin, Chicago Tribune, April 10, 2011

In the African-American community, the significance of hair cannot be underestimated, a source of either self-esteem or self-doubt. So for white parents of black children, making sure their youngsters are well-coiffed is as much a priority as good nutrition and potty training.

This reality came into focus recently at a sold-out workshop, “Caring for Afro-textured Hair and Skin,” at the Cradle, an Evanston-based adoption agency.

“People are judged by the way they look,” said Julien Drouet, a white father of Lily, 3, and 10-month-old Victor, whom he adopted with his partner, Brandon Walt. “I don’t agree, but if we want to help our kids, we need to know how to do this.”

Drouet was up early on a recent Saturday morning to immerse himself in the merits of braids versus twists, rake versus rattail combs and relaxers versus going natural. The class, believed to be the only one in the Chicago area, is about more than good grooming. It illuminates the crumbling of one of society’s last barriers and the gradual acceptance of transracial families into America’s melting pot, experts say.

Not so long ago, such adoptions—-whether the kids came from the U.S. or overseas—-were rare. In 2005, only 5 percent of Cradle placements were across racial lines—-and not a single child came from Ethiopia. In 2010, 20 percent of the agency’s adoptions matched black children and white parents, while Ethiopia now ranks second only to China as the largest sending country to the U.S. Other agencies throughout Illinois have seen similar increases.

“It’s becoming more common,” said Joan Jaeger, a spokeswoman for the Cradle, which opened in 1923. “And Angelina Jolie didn’t hurt either.”

{snip}

For the first class, the parents brought their youngsters, which quickly turned chaotic. So now, the instructors demonstrate on their own daughters, Kira Okeke-Banks, 9, and Ajhalie Jean-Baptiste, 7, while participants follow on a foam mannequin heads.

Another visual aid is the 38-page resource guide. The list of “dos and don’ts” include: “Make yourself unavailable for one to three hours,” “Provide toys, snacks or a favorite movie,” and “Do not make any plans until your commitment to your child’s hair is complete.”

{snip}

“I always knew I was going to have a family … and this was how I was going to do it,” said the Arlington Heights mother, who adopted by choice, not infertility.

Even so, hair never entered the equation. “When I have to brush it, she cries … then I cry.”

{snip}

Take John Wright, 32, a single attorney, furiously taking notes as if he were back in law school.

The Evanston resident adopted 2-year-old Jonah last year “because I always wanted to be a Dad,” he said.

Initially, his family was cool to his decision; transracial families are rare in his native South Dakota. But recently, Wright’s father wrote Jonah’s birth mom a letter expressing gratitude for his African-American grandson and will eagerly show off photos to anyone.

{snip}

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  • Flamethrower

    Why are Whites so gullible? Seriously. What is it in our psychology that makes so many Whites think race doesn’t exist? This will turn out to be our fatal flaw. Aren’t there any White children in need of a good home? Those black adoptees will grow up to naturally identify with their own race, and will eventually see their adoptive parents as benevolent outsiders at best, or prey, at worst.

    Blacks do not suffer from these White weaknesses. In this respect, they are our superior.

  • Spartan24

    What a pathetic bunch for “parents”. Notice the demographic here- a gay couple, a single father and a mother who denied her own fertility to adopt African kids. While I sympathize with people who through no fault of their own cannot have children I have no patience with anyone who deliberately does not have children of their own race to adopt kids either from overseas or minority kids from the foster care system. I have to wonder what will happen to the kids when the start showing the lower IQ and behavioral problems that blacks are known for- the trendiness will have worn off by then and I am sure that there will be no classes for parents to deal with these issues. I would even venture a guess that the foster care system will see an influx of these kids whose adoptive parents cannot handle them and were only following a trend when they adopted them. There are definite trends in adoption- first it was Chinese baby girls, then Russian kids and since several high profile celebrity adoptions African kids. On a final note- where is the class for White parents who have problems with their White children’s hair? My daughter hates having her hair brushed and her curly blond hair always looks windblown and messy.

  • Jay

    Clueless parents – all. Most of the adopted kids are going to join the ghetto thug lifestlye anyway. They’re only doing it to feed their guilt and look trendy.

  • Anonymous

    Like all the whites who eagerly voted for Obama, those whites who adopt black kids are proof that a large segment of the white population in the US has simply gone mad. And I’m sure most “African Americans,” if asked anonymously about their feelings in regards to white adopting black kids, would be overwhelmingly opposed. And who can blame them. Imagine if a fad developed where many blacks started adopting white children. Even the thought makes me very uncomfortable to say the least. And race is like an extended family. It’s only ‘natural’ for kids to have parents who are of the same race.

  • Anonymous

    “I always knew I was going to have a family … and this was how I was going to do it,” said the Arlington Heights mother, who adopted by choice, not infertility.

    Even so, hair never entered the equation. “When I have to brush it, she cries … then I cry.”

  • Tim in Indiana

    It illuminates the crumbling of one of society’s last barriers and the gradual acceptance of transracial families into America’s melting pot, experts say.

    REALLY? ALL “experts” agree that the “barriers” to acceptance of “transracial families” are “crumbling?” Or is it merely some who say this? According to the experts I’ve heard, the idea of an American “melting pot” is a myth, anyway.

    Yet someone like Jared Taylor would never be referred to as an expert by this writer. Nice to see another example of “balanced” reporting in the MSM.

    And how many blacks are adopting white children, by the way? It always only seems to go in one direction.

  • Anonymous

    “Ethiopia now ranks second only to China as the largest sending country to the U.S.”

    According to the World Bank, the fertility rate in Ethiopia is 5.3 births per female.

    They’re happy to give away surplus children to make room for more. Flinging their children into the white lifeboat ensures maximum genetic proliferation over greater distance.

    In the case of the Chinese, they want future Chinese global racial dominance over whites.

  • SF Paul

    It is very shocking that so many children are being sent here by China and Ethiopia to be adopted. Seems to me there should be plenty of children born here in America who need to be adopted into a caring home. Though it would be more liberal and stylish to brag that an adopted child is from Ethiopia for the demographic involved.

  • Old White Jim

    Her comes a train load of statistics to reinforce the conclusions of Dr Phillipe Rushton’s lifelong study of racial differences in cognitive ability. It will be entertaining to watch the enforcers of racial orthodoxy explain away the the poor scholastic performance of those White-raised sprog.

  • Robert Binion

    Race is a societal “construct,” but black hair scientific fact. You know, I sometimes almost feel sorry for myself and others unable to make the ultimate commitment to African coiffure. The Chicago Tribune says that I foolishly deny myself infinite riches. “Nevertheless, my heart is of stone,” I reply sadly.

  • Anonymous

    1-I wonder what the percentage is for all white adopters adopting black children. The article only gave the statistic for one adoption agency.

    2-I wonder how lovable the black adoptees will be when they are 11 or 13 or 16.

    3-I wonder how many non-white people are adopting black adoptees. How many Chinese, Vietnamese, Pakistanis, or Indians want to accept the challenge of African hair care and African adolescent behavior? Probably enough to pack a minicooper.

  • Dean Mondial

    I have a hard time believing that the South Dakota lawyer is not gay as well. (He just wants to be a dad? A 32-year old professional despairs over his marital prospects, but has paternal instincts in overdrive? I’m not buying it.) He probably is not about to “come out” nationally. Even more importantly, the Tribune writer, who obviously favors the adoption of black kids by whites, would be more than happy to paint this racial cuckold in more mainstream colors.

  • Anonymous

    Well, uhh 35% of working class whites “think” Obama is doing a good job. So why not adopt a few black kids and turn a blind eye towards all the other trends of our day.

  • Anonymous

    These white fools, they will come to realize their mistake. Perhaps realization will come when the childs behavior begins to follow his/her lineage; would they even realize their folly if their adorable little darkie slaughtered them for their differences? I wonder if rose colored glasses come with tints that strong?

  • Sardonicus

    In my limited experience, the couples I know who have adopted black children have all been dual income college professors. They are all committed leftists, whose love of diversity has become their only religion. Mostly black girls are adopted, but in the cases of boys being adopted the two marriages ended in divorce. Whether the breakup was due to the tensions within the blended family or the inherent instability of the adopting parents, I really don’t know. The controlled media depicts whites who adopt black children as trendy saints.

  • Anonymous

    If the child does abstain from parricide, who knows where they might end up? That is one of the most exciting thoughts one has when becoming a new parent. So many possibilities for achievement — murder, rape, and theft ranking high among them. Oh to have such trendy children!

  • white is right, black is whack

    Our grandparents generations and the ones before might have lacked the material possessions and traditional education we have today, but they were far wiser and stronger for not allowing multiculturalism in their countries. What happened, white man?

  • dalcassian

    Years ago, a family in our rural (ie all white) RI town adopted a black. He had every oppurtunity, even going to a private catholic school, but he was, and remains, a low IQ thug in every respect. To add insult to injury, his adoptive mother decided to leave her family for one of his ghetto friends. They already had a good son and beautiful daughter but just HAD to have the PC required adopted black. Worked out wonderful for that family, didn’t it?

  • Fr. John

    Trad. Christians are speaking up about this ‘trendiness’ among Evangelicals, and others already co-opted by the Liberal agenda, while thinking they are ‘saved’ as well.

    Christ said, ‘You cannot have two masters.’

    The battle lines are being drawn by ‘kinists’ who see historical monoracial families as the locus and focus of God’s call on their lives; and ‘Alienists’, who are preaching this sort of ‘let’s adopt rainbow babies’ stuff, not realizing that the Bible’s strongest strictures and condemnations in the O.T. were against ‘mamzerim’ or ‘multi-racial’ families, households, alliances.

    It also is a silent and deadly form of genocide, something even the liberal U.N. says is a ‘crime against humanity.’ Yet here we have sartorial advice about such complicity. The cognitive dissonance is astounding.

  • Anonymous

    17 — Fr. John wrote at 10:08 AM on April 15:

    Trad. Christians are speaking up about this ‘trendiness’ among Evangelicals, and others already co-opted by the Liberal agenda, while thinking they are ‘saved’ as well.

    Christ said, ‘You cannot have two masters.’

    The battle lines are being drawn by ‘kinists’ who see historical monoracial families as the locus and focus of God’s call on their lives; and ‘Alienists’, who are preaching this sort of ‘let’s adopt rainbow babies’ stuff, not realizing that the Bible’s strongest strictures and condemnations in the O.T. were against ‘mamzerim’ or ‘multi-racial’ families, households, alliances.

    It also is a silent and deadly form of genocide, something even the liberal U.N. says is a ‘crime against humanity.’ Yet here we have sartorial advice about such complicity. The cognitive dissonance is astounding.

    —————————————————————–

    Problem with the U.N. is that they could care less about White genocide. In fact, they favor it. Just look at America, South Africa, and Europe of examples.

    As Whites, we have biblical enemies, and they are in the physical form, not spiritual, as the Christians love to tell us. They are all among us and are our national/racial enemies. But God did tell us that HE will close our (not all of us, though) ears and eyes.

  • Edmundo

    1 — Flamethrower wrote at 6:18 PM on April 14:

    “Blacks do not suffer from these White weaknesses. In this respect, they are our superior.”

    Your right, in a sense…in this sense every one is superior to the Anglo group. What is wrong with Anglo-Saxons? Your people have lost their minds, generally speaking. Never seen a more gullible self-righteous group of people…it is probably also a factor of growing affluence and decadence leading to a vanity of supposed egalitarian nonsense. But amongst other ‘semi-whites’ as they are so often described on this board, (i.e. Greeks, Italians, Spanish etc,) their is far more ethnic cohesion and racial realism. Enter into any ethnic enclave made up of such ‘semi-whites’ or even Hispanics and you would never witness such pandering to outsiders.

    Anglos have become weak. You will die off as an identifiable group, this is almost inevitable. Blond hair and blue eyes will become dark hair and olive to brownish skin.

    At least it will be an end to all this multicult nonsense. I now first hand how other minority groups feel about “dark people”; you can never see racism until you rub elbows with East Asians, Hispanics, and Middle Easterners.

    White people live in a twilight zone of their own making.

  • Anonymous

    “would they even realize their folly, if their adorable little darkie slaughtered them for their differences?”

    One such incident happened close to where I live. After being given all the benefits of a good upbringing, the dreadlocked lad tired of being told to clean up after himself, and beat his loving, adoptive white mother to death with a pipe.

    He placed her body in the basement cold storage, sold her car for cash, and was apprehended miles away. Upon capture, his demeanor was calm and indifferent as he explained that he just momentarily “lost it”.

  • Father

    I adopted a White kid and regret it. His parents were trash, and he follows their genes, not our upbringing. He has an IQ of 120+, but character trumps intellect. He’s still my son, but he’s only got a small share of our estate coming, because we know he’d blow it all in a few years.

    If you’re going to adopt, find out as much as you can about the parents.

    BTW, the reason that there were so many Russians available was because the Soviets just warehoused unwanted children. When they realized that Americans really wanted these kids, they raised the price.

    Chinese are allowed only one kid, and everyone wants boys, who will take care of you when you’re old. That’s why there are Chinese girls available, but not boys. And when they found out that homosexuals were allowed to adopt in this country, they tightened up the restrictions, married couples only.

  • ATBOTL

    Most of the white people I knew who adopted non-white children were Evangelicals.

  • Californian

    Americans might consider adopting the children of White Zimbabweans or South Africans who were orphaned when their parents were murdered in the ongoing farm attacks and crime wave which are endemic to these majority rule countries.

  • FtR

    If I’m not mistaken one of the murderers of Channon Christian and Christopher Newsom had been adopted by a white family.

    See how that worked out.

  • Anonymous

    So, those bleeding heart parents will get exactly what they have coming to them.

    Aside from that, it is not good for the children. I don’t care what you say, they are children, and it is too bad they do not have their real parents taking care of them as they should. (I know, if you dream, might as well dream big). They are children and not pets. And you do not get a child to satisfy something within you, to get status or prove something or other. I would not entrust a dog to people like that.

  • Anonymous

    One of my first jobs back in the sixties was as a housemother in a county group home for abused children being taken away from the abusive parents and put into the foster home system.

    Most of the children were black. The housemothers were about 2/3 White, 1/3 black. Whenever a new White housemother arrived one of the black housemothers would show her how to take care of black kid’s hair.

    Mix a couple squirts of shampoo in a plastic glass, wet the hair, carefully smoosh the shampoo through the hair (don’t rub or the hair will break) rinse. Wrap a towel around the hair. Don’t rub the hair with the towel. Let hair air dry. Rub a little oil all over the hair. Section the hair gently gently. Braid the sections. Secure the braid with a barette or band.

    And it’s done. Takes time to do the sections and braids but they only need to be done every other day. It is actually enjoyable, like knitting or sewing. Also gives the little ones some needed body contact, cuddling and conversation with the caregiver.

    No one carried on about it. No White glowed with pride and arrogance because she learned that part of her job that involved taking care of the children’s hair. No blacks agonized about it either.

  • Anonymous

    Given the realities of Whites dealing with black children’s hair I have no problems with this. But why make a big deal out of it?

    If I adopted a black kid I would just find a black hairdresser and ask her to show me what to do and of course pay her for the lessons. Straightening I wouldn’t do myself but send the child to a hairdresser.

    What I would not do is feature myself and my children in a newspaper article about how wonderful and saintly I am.

    These kids are probably better off with White gay parents than with their natural black parents. Between the sexual and physical abuse by black fathers and the verbal and physical abuse of black mothers the kids are better off with Whites.

    Lily might even grow up to be a ladylike woman rather than the excess testosterone dominating bully most black women are. Maybe she will walk rather than strut. Maybe she will speak in a normal tone of voice. She might have pleasant or neutral facial expressions rather than the aggressive scowl many black women have.

  • Just Saying

    I’m reminded of a woman I knew years ago who purchased a pure bred cat for several hundred dollars. It eventually needed thousands of dollars worth of dental work done, along with a special & expensive daily diet. As opposed to a shelter cat that could be obtained for free, & would probably be healthy to boot.

    But I guess some folks just have some desperate need to be needed.

  • Anonymous

    Stuff like this i just don’t understand at all. The only thing i can guess at is these people are sanctimonious, self-righteous types who just have to “prove” they are liberals who are not “racists”. What better way to do so then to parade around a black child everywhere you go?

  • Anonymous

    I’m reminded of a woman I knew years ago who purchased a pure bred cat for several hundred dollars. It eventually needed thousands of dollars worth of dental work done, along with a special & expensive daily diet. As opposed to a shelter cat that could be obtained for free, & would probably be healthy to boot.

    That’s just silly. I love both dogs and cats… but they aren’t human beings, and having an expensive sick purebred is about like having an expensive meal when a good old-fashioned American steakhouse or barbeque is just as healthy and tasty. Equally silly is adopting a black child instead of having one of your own. Heck, even Angelina Jolie herself decided to start having her own biological children.

    The only merit I can see for some people is for the snob appeal, to show they have lots of money. And it’s interesting to note that international adoptions have nosedived since the economy here has tanked.

  • Anonymous

    Recently after the Earthquake in Haiti, while on vacation in Hawaii, I saw a white family toting what was probably a Haitian baby. The arrogant, selfish, liberal white father was giving all of his attention to the black child, and completely ignoring his own disinherited children. His white children looked so lost and sad. It was difficult to contain my rage. That black child should have been with a black family. Any sane black or white person would agree with me…along with those white children, and the black child, some day. Black couples, take care of your own…or they will be kidnapped and altered by Stepford whites.

  • Browser

    “The only merit I can see for some people is for the snob appeal, to show they have lots of money.”

    __ __ __ __

    No, it’s not to show off their money. You miss the point!

    It’s to show off how liberal and saintly they are, and what wonderful people. (Flaunting the money part doesn’t hurt though.)

    I agree with the rest of your post.

  • Anonymous

    30 — Just Saying wrote at 10:23 PM on April 15:

    “I’m reminded of a woman I knew years ago who purchased a pure bred cat for several hundred dollars. It eventually needed thousands of dollars worth of dental work done, along with a special & expensive daily diet. As opposed to a shelter cat that could be obtained for free, & would probably be healthy to boot.”

    You’re making the wrong argument and a faulty conclusion. As one who has worked with animals and owned lots of them over 30+ years, there is no weakness syndrome inherent in pure bred cat lines. Free cats can require just as much care if you have the money and want to spend it on a cat. Cat’s are remarkable for their general toughness and ability to recover and continue. If some wealthy, lonely woman wants to spend money on a special cat she can. But I have seen shelter cats pampered just as much. However, people who buy shelter animals tend to be the types that don’t want to spend lots of cash on a pet. It has LITTLE OR NOTHING to do with breeding.

    The analogy to inbred whites is faulty. Even the usual human inbreeding ideas are exaggerated. Humans survived and evolved for thousands of years by inbreeding within tribes and local groups. This provided the very special attributes that races and sub-racial groups have presented, often producing, especially within the Caucasian an extraordinary range of startling beauty and intelligence. Outbreeding not only destroys this, but it also creates many unstable, unpredictable outcomes. Dog breeders know this, and in this analogy, unfortunately even Hitler was correct as is the eugenic model.

  • Anonymous

    #21 Edmundo – “What is wrong with Anglo-Saxons? Your people have lost their minds, generally speaking. Never seen a more gullible self-righteous group of people.”

    You are right, of course. It’s very sad. Whites are naive. Those who only think kind thoughts think everyone else is kind too.

    I believe that people whose ancestors come from the hot parts of the world have been influenced for millenia by the extra sunlight in a way that makes them quite different from pale northern Whites. The extra sunlight has stimulated more primal, earthy parts of the brain that make darker people more impulsive, more emotional, more violent, more tribal, and with a higher sex drive.

    As we all know, most Whites aren’t very tribal, which is key for survival of our people. It’s as though we have lost the knowledge of the fundamentals of life: protect our land from invasion and create children who look like us.

  • L. Estell

    People: a handful of rich, spoiled celebrities who adopt outside of ther own, doesn’t call for a bout of handwringing or hysteria. Doesn’t mean white people are gullibe etc. Put things in perspective.

  • Anonymous

    To “Just Saying”: Two out of three animals brought to shelters are euthanized. The animals selected for adoption are done so by experienced veternarians who assess the animal for health and temperment.

  • Anonymous

    I adopted a White kid and regret it. His parents were trash, and he follows their genes, not our upbringing. He has an IQ of 120+, but character trumps intellect. He’s still my son, but he’s only got a small share of our estate coming, because we know he’d blow it all in a few years.

    Until about 1960 there were plenty of White babies available for adoption. The agencies always told the adoptive parents that the biological parents were either nice middle class teen agers or married men with their girl friends. Most of the babies were supposedly the children of college girls.

    Not true at all. Many were the babies of trashy criminal fathers and prostitute or promiscious mothers. The adoption agencies covered all this up. Then too the early and mid 20th century were when the nurture overcomes nature theory held sway.

    It was all false. Many adopted White children did badly in school both in behavior and grades, were disfunctional adults and were over represented in the prison system.

    That’s because the genes they inherited from their natural parents overcame their upbringing by the adoptive parents.

  • Minerva

    Just more examples that biology will always win over environment.

    One must always be careful when looking to adopt. As post #39 points out, even adopting a white child does not guarantee that things will work out.

    When I was a teen, neighbors adopted a white boy whose parents were described as “teenagers”. Even at a young age, he was violent and fought with other children. He was kicked out of high school and got into drugs. When he was in his late teens, he stabbed his “friend” to death in an argument over paying for heroin.

    The adoptive parents had washed their hands of him. They were going to adopt a white girl when he was about 3 but quickly gave up on that idea. As bad as this was, adopting a black is asking for even more trouble.