Posted on May 24, 2012

Miami Beach: Gangsta’s Paradise

Luther Campbell, Local 10 (Miami), May 23, 2012

This is a public service announcement to all the African American visitors coming to Miami Beach for Memorial Day weekend.

There are a few things you need to know when you cross over the causeways to party in the city that doesn’t really want you there, but wants to take your money.

Here are the new rules you will have to abide by unless you want your black ass to end up in Dade County Jail:

  • You cannot walk the streets with an open container of booze. Typically, the city doesn’t enforce public drinking laws, but we all know you black people can’t handle your liquor. {snip}
  • Don’t even think about coming to South Beach if you are faded, have an expired tag or a suspended driver’s license, an outstanding bench warrant, or owe your baby momma child support. {snip}
  • Forget about using the Venetian Causeway to dodge the police because it’s off limits to black people who don’t live on Miami Beach.
  • Racial profiling is in full effect.
  • Price gouging is legal. So don’t complain when the valet charges you $100 to take your car, the nightclubs charge you $50 to get in and $1,000 for a bottle and a table, and the hotels make you pay $1,000 per night.

All these rules will be thrown out the window and everything will go back to normal once all the African-Americans have left Miami Beach on Monday. {snip} Save yourself the hassle of going to Miami Beach and having your civil rights violated.

These measures are just a dog and pony show by the city’s government to make the residents think they are doing something to crack down on the partying that goes on during Memorial Day Weekend. {snip}