I’ll Answer That, Mr. Hill

“What do you like about being white?”

With that question, black activist Marc Lamont Hill stumped Christopher Rufo, senior fellow at the Manhattan Institute and opponent of Critical Race Theory. Mr. Rufo mumbled platitudes about “negative stereotyping” and “metaphysical categories of whiteness and blackness.”

Mr. Hill brought up author and historian Noel Ignatiev, who called for “abolishing whiteness,” but not even this roused Mr. Rufo. He is a smart guy, but he had no answer to Mr. Lamont’s grievances, guilt-tripping, constant evocations of slavery, and newly-minted excuses for black failure.

Mr. Rufo couldn’t even muster a micro aggression. He couldn’t say: “Everything you talk about is based on slavery. Is that because you can’t talk about the present without blaming us? You have said nothing about how blacks could solve their problems. What’s your plan? What would life for blacks be like if “whiteness” were abolished? Are Zimbabwe, and South Africa good indicators?”

Since Mr. Rufo couldn’t answer Mr. Hill’s question, I will.

I like being white because we are not the 13 percent of the population that commits 50 percent of crime.

I like being white because we can hold a funeral without someone being shot.

I like being white because American taxpayers didn’t spend $23 trillion trying to rectify past injustices, only for us to say, “That was a down payment.”

I like being white because we didn’t invent twerking or hip hop.

I like being white because we are commuting to the space station, instead of declining to act white by learning to read.

I like the white tradition of humor and satire that extends from Aristophanes to Voltaire to Swift and that is not dependent, like black humor, on the F-word.

I like being white because we created Europe and America, not Haiti.

I like being white because we don’t accept crime and violence and vulgarity as the norm.

I like being white because we’ve built police departments that patrol dangerous cesspools of people who cannot police themselves.

I like white people because they will buy a broom and clean up their front yard.

I like being white because videos don’t show us attacking elderly Asians.

I like being white because I know who my daddy is and so do my siblings.

I like being white because our young men don’t hunt in packs with their pants hanging down, and kick unconscious victims in the head.

I like being white because our young women can go out in a group without brawling in public.

I like being white because we don’t blame indentured servitude or arriving as penniless immigrants for our problems.

I like being white because we bought our big-screen TVs.

I like being white because we don’t say axe, nome sayin, and I dindu nuffin.

I like being white because we didn’t build the pyramids, invent the first flying machines, and then forget how to do anything.

I like being white because not one of us is named Dontavious or Shaniqua.

I like being white because we follow rules, create, build, and show gratitude.