Posted on July 19, 2011

Police Arrest Goat Accused of Armed Robbery

Daily Mail (London), July 19, 2011

Police in Nigeria are holding a goat on suspicion of attempted armed robbery.

Vigilantes seized the black and white goat, saying it was an armed robber who had used black magic to transform himself into an animal to escape after trying to steal a Mazda 323.

‘The group of vigilante men came to report that while they were on patrol they saw some hoodlums attempting to rob a car. They pursued them.

‘However one of them escaped while the other turned into a goat,’ Kwara state police spokesman Tunde Mohammed said.

‘We cannot confirm the story, but the goat is in our custody.

‘We cannot base our information on something mystical. It is something that has to be proved scientifically, that a human being turned into a goat,’ he said.

Belief in witchcraft is widespread in parts of Nigeria, Africa’s most populous nation.

Residents came to the police station to see the goat, photographed in one national newspaper on its knees next to a pile of straw.

23 responses to “Police Arrest Goat Accused of Armed Robbery”

  1. SaveGoatsAnonymous says:

    Is this even WORTHY of comment? Only a bunch of superstitious idiots would even consider the idea that someone could turn into a goat, for any reason. I say stand up for goat rights and make sure the animal receives enough food and water! It deserves to be released ASAP.

  2. Dr. Brown says:

    These are exactly the kind of people we need to be bringing to the United States, futures doctors, lawyers, teachers. Yes I am sure of it we need a lot more of these gems on the welfare role they scream of diversity.

  3. Howard W. Campbell says:

    I suspect the blacks at my wife’s place of work secretly believe that we have the ability to create money out of thin air. They cannot believe that we don’t have the exact same money problems.

    Unlike most of them, we aren’t “Jonesing” three days before payday because the bank account has a negative balance. We are frugal, but I am not the Chairman of the Fed.

    It’s a conspiracy, white people can magically create money to pay bills or do all sorts of other things. That old story about saving for a rainy day is a fantasy!

  4. Ciccio says:

    Must be a slow news day, this story made its rounds more than a year ago.For some up to date idiocy go to today’s Arab News (Saudi)

    where the head of religious instruction in the country assures people that jinns ( evil spirits) do abound and that they do haunt houses. The story centered around a number of houses in Mecca and the possibility that real estate people were creating rumours of jinn to drive down prices.

  5. White, Jewish, and Proud says:

    Well, this story certainly gives new meaning to the old saying of “getting my goat.”

  6. olewhitelady says:

    Start a rumor like this in Detroit, and see how long it takes the residents there to start demanding that the cops look for the white man who turns into a white goat and butts blacks!

  7. Robert Binion says:

    Bittersweet. Obviously, a nanny goat once broke this poor policeman’s heart.

  8. Dennis says:

    has the goat been advised of its rights?

  9. Anonymous says:

    “We are no longer accepting comments on this article.” What a surprise.

  10. Justin says:

    This seems like a story from “the Onion”, but sadly it is real.

  11. Tim in Indiana says:

    Funny that we never see thieves and hoodlums turning into goats (or better yet, stray dogs) in this country. It would be a great getaway technique. I guess that’s a skill one loses when one leaves the mother country, Africa. Impressive as this skill is, however, no one seems very interested in returning to Africa to learn it. Strange…

  12. Anonymous says:

    Just when you think you’ve heard it all, some story comes out of Africa or about Africans elsewhere that makes your jaw drop in astonishment. After reading this through the second time, I got a giggle from it. Hope the goat gets probation, being it’s first offence and all…

  13. Middle American Jew says:

    A goat sounds like an improvement.

    If they all turned into goats perhaps crime would decrease and the population would work together.

    Of course, there would still be that African-Goat Achievement Gap.

  14. Anonymous says:

    Really? Hold on a sec

    ( this spaced being used for side splitting, vein busting, milk thru the nose uncontrollable laughter )

    ok, ok, I’m ok now (final chuckle)

    sorry guys

  15. Anonymous says:

    Did they read the goat its rights? Did the goat get to make a phone call, contact its attorney?

  16. Aussie Pete says:

    For the sake of the goat’s rectal health I hope it is given a cell on its own.

  17. Sylvie says:

    You know what the best thing about this article is? Not the transformation of the robber into a goat, or indeed the police arresting the goat; it’s the fact that not only did someone attempt to steal a Mazda 323, but also that there was a Mazda 323 around for someone to steal!

    Maybe the robber chose the 323 over a Passat(car of the year in OZ in 1974)!

  18. Zach Sowers says:

    Cannot the goat be given political asylum in Minnesota, or New Hampshire?

  19. Kenelm Digby says:

    Just ‘kidding’ really.

  20. Moofasa Goatfancier Mbundudikwe says:

    The goat is now in custody and probably undergoes a series of highly enjoyable experiments of mass fertilization by the local police force and parliament.

    After they succeed, the criminal goat shall be partly consumed and partly converted to amulets that bring wealth and invincibility.

    It is a wonderful example of why the allegedly superior White man’s empire is folding due to insolvency and greenhouse vapours.

  21. Anonymous says:

    Hmmmm…that gives me an idea. I’ve always wanted an expensive diamond necklace, but it’s too indulgent for a thrifty Norwegian like me. Maybe I can get a five-finger/goat discount in Nigeria. I’ll pay a few bribes to get admitted as a pair of identical twins and set up my plan…

    I’ll rob a diamond merchant, run out to my car and hide the loot, then point at a goat I’ve brought along and yell, “It was HER! My twin sister is a witch!!” I’d gladly trade a goat for a handful of diamonds, and I could pat myself on the back for honoring local culture as well. Cha-ching!

  22. Anonymous says:

    This reminds me of something called “animal trials” that used to be held in Europe in the middle-ages. Believing in demonic possession, courts would have trials where animals were brought in and tried under due process, given lawyers, “questioned” and made the subject of witness testimony to establish “character” among other things in order to find them guilty or innocent. One such case in France involved a town that was plagued by rats. The rats were issued a summons to appear, but didn’t show up. Tried in absentia, their court appointed attourney was so successful in defending them that the trial went on for seven years. An account of this can be found in the book ” Hypnosis, Memory and Will.”

    I hope the goat has as good a lawyer, but I doubt it.

  23. shaunantijihad says:

    And here’s the donkey executed for adultery by it’s Muslim owner for… having sex with another Muslim thus tarnishing the family honour.

    Lib nation wreckers think bringing these people to white civilisation will help us become stronger rather than just replacing us with idiotic Islamic supremacism.