Should Black Women Learn to Share Their Men?

Merissa Richards, The Voice, June 19, 2011

If the figures are to be believed, there could be as many as seven black women for every eligible black man when you consider the number who are already married, dating women of other races, are gay or in prison.

Some of us black women are already missing out. Statistics for the UK state that 48 percent of black Caribbean families and 36 percent of black African families are headed by a lone parent, usually a woman.

And there are commentators who have argued that increasing numbers of highly educated professional black women could be facing the same fate as their counterparts in the US, where figures released in April showed as many as 42 percent of African-American women have never married, double the number for white women.

{snip}

“I find that positive and intelligent black men and black women in the UK are more likely to find themselves single due to the fact that it is quite difficult for them to find someone on the same level as themselves,” online reader Veronica wrote in a Voice blog about why so many people are single.

{snip}

With the shortage of eligible black men, should black women just learn to happily share the men they have?

Some deejays and rappers think so. From Beenie Man singing that “Man fi have nuff gal” to Shabba Ranks wishing for his Trailer Load A Girls to Jay-Z singing “I love girls, girls, girls”, having an abundance of women seems to be a dream many men wish for.

{snip}

This has been justified for any number of reasons, ranging from slavery conditioning to men being unable to practice monogamy and just be with one woman.

“Don’t get angry ladies,” writes Michael Stevens, author of Monogamy Isn’t Natural: Get Over It Ladies. “I’ve had candid conversations with my friends and associates that I have known over the years, boys’ locker room stuff. Trust me when I say that there are many things your mate’s male friends know about him and his sexual appetite that you, his partner, don’t have a clue about. I think that we men feel that if you women knew how we really felt about sex and sexual behaviour, you would hate us or think lowly of us. We play this silly monogamy game with you, but in our hearts we are not into it.”

{snip}

However, could this be about to change owing to the scarcity of eligible black men in the UK?

Some advocates say there is a better way to handle such situations, where men can legally have more than one wife–polygamy.

“I think it’s a good idea and I would definitely agree that black women should accept polygamy as long as there is perfect harmony and no favouritism,” said Baby Father author Patrick Augustus, who works with children’s charity Barnardo’s Baby Father Initiative to promote positive black fatherhood.

“This could certainly work in the UK because it would reduce the need for people to lie or hide and they could be up-front. A lot of people lie, and that applies to everybody when they are having extra-marital affairs.

{snip}

Although polygamy is illegal in the UK, it remains acceptable in several cultures. Muslims in the UK have gone as far as to challenge the law, which forbids husbands from having more than one wife.

“I spend a lot of time in Gambia in which, like a lot of Muslim countries I’ve travelled to, a man can have four wives,” Augustus added. “In Gambia, women go to men and ask if they can be a man’s second wife and the women work together. It’s good where it’s necessary; I have a friend with more than one wife and they help one another.”

{snip}

Danielle Johnson, 29, from north-west London, is typical of this view. She said: “I’m not sharing my husband with no other woman. A relationship is not meant for no more than two partners.

“I love my husband and couldn’t bear the thought of him having a relationship with anyone other than me. Polygamy shows a lack of self -control and contributes to heartbreak and stress.”

{snip}

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  • Wulfstan

    A very high proportion of black women look on promiscuous males as the norm, and regard monogamous partners as being at least half way to being homosexual.

  • The Bobster

    Should Black Women Learn to Share Their Men?

    I thought they already did. Check out Maury.

  • Anonymous

    If a black man won’t support one woman with her children, how on Earth will he support many women and their many children?

  • Anonymous

    “Should Black Women Learn To Share Their Men?”

    Absolutely! As long as she’s sharing him with black women. Black women have a serious inferiority complex when they feel they must compete with non-black women for a black man’s attention. So as long as those she shares him with are other black women then this should help diminish this complex.

  • Question Diversity

    “Don’t get angry ladies,” writes Michael Stevens, author of Monogamy Isn’t Natural: Get Over It Ladies. “I’ve had candid conversations with my friends and associates that I have known over the years, boys’ locker room stuff. Trust me when I say that there are many things your mate’s male friends know about him and his sexual appetite that you, his partner, don’t have a clue about. I think that we men feel that if you women knew how we really felt about sex and sexual behaviour, you would hate us or think lowly of us. We play this silly monogamy game with you, but in our hearts we are not into it.”

    Please. There are more lies told in a men’s locker room than there are on a fishing boat. Except for the one obvious thing you can’t lie about in a locker room environment. This man who made this statement expects women to be shocked about how promiscuous we supposedly want to be or claim to be, when we don’t even believe each other’s “big fish stories” in that regard (but that doesn’t deter us from telling them).

    I can ill imagine black women taking kindly to polygamy — You’ve seen all the vicious fights that black women get into with each other when two women are competing for the affection of one man. What makes them think that the eight wives of one man will get along?

    And how can one man be expected to pay for eight wives and however many children he has with those wives? Maybe polygamy is possible in a fertile verdant climate. However, I keep forgetting that welfare systems of the white world are, for blacks, a vicarious reproduction of the low-hanging fruit African climate in the upper latitudes.

  • Sonya

    Polygamy is pretty rare even in Middle Eastern countries. Sure the law may technically allow it but the marriage contract supercedes the law and virtually all brides make sure they are the only wife (barring the very very poor in war torn countries and the very very rich that want a mini-harem of wives).

  • Anonymous

    A review of the economic advantages of being an unemployed black single female parent: basic welfare, housing subsidies, free dental coverage, and much more depending on the locality.

    When faced with the choice, a black man can ‘visit’ one or several single mothers instead of marrying one, and come out ahead.

  • Anonymous

    Monogamy is not natural for blacks; they simply didn’t evolve that way. Officially polygamy is common in African blacks, but it’s not like Muslim polygamy. Muslim men are breadwinners and the leaders of their families – they act as husbands and patriarchs. While I disagree with polygamy, there is no doubt that a Muslim man is the head of his family.

    But black African “polygamy” is basically marriagelessness with ceremonies and titles – the women do all the economic work and raise their own children, while the men come and go as they please with no real responsibilities. Men are largely unnecessary in day-to-day African family life. Men will take the young male teenagers of the village to “initiation ceremonies” and then teach them to hunt, but this is done as the group effort in the tribe rather than as father-son bonding.

    In fact, men are often closer to their sisters’ children than their own children in many in many black African societies. They know they’re related to their sisters’ children by blood, but who knows if their own children were really sired by them or by the guy down the road? They aren’t even around enough to notice. “Husbands” aren’t even expected to live with their wives or see them often.

  • Anonymous

    Judging by black STD rates, they all share each other already.

    I know muslims who have relatives who practice polygamy. It is not an easy life. It requires a strong man to keep 4 women in line. What usually happens is the women form pairs and fight 2 against 2.

    Having worked with black women and seeing how they spend the work day fussing, fighting, intriguing and lying about each other, I can imagine that trying to run a household of black women would be he!! on earth.

    Black men flee a relationship with just one black woman, imagine trying to deal with 4.

  • (AWG) Average White Guy

    Sad to say, it’s difficult to find a black kid who has even one “full” sibling. It seems many — perhaps most — have half-brothers and half-sisters.

    Black women are already sharing their men . . . or themselves.

  • Single and Proud

    Excuse me? Are we saying that women NEED a man to make them OK? I mean, black men can’t be bothered supporting even one wife as it is; what makes anybody think they’d be able to support more than one? Some of ’em can’t even support a dog properly. And, well, I have been single BY CHOICE for over 40 years, and am perfectly happy. I don’t need a man to justify my existence. I don’t see why ANY woman would, including black women. Maybe being single would give them a chance to get the education they need to rise up out of the ghetto and have a decent life for a change.

  • Istvan

    Approximately 50% of all black mothers have children by more than one man. They share already.

  • Margaret

    Great comments! #8–you are absolutely right, and I’m very surprised to run across someone who knows this–you must either live in Africa or be an anthropologist.

    Polygyny would be better than no father at all, but for the reasons mentioned above it’s not likely to work among blacks. Much better would be the simple rule that all males must pay child support for their offspring (DNA testing makes it feasible to identify them). Failure to pay should have the consequence of sterilization. Females that show up at a welfare office, admitting that they are unable to raise their child and demanding that the state help them should receive help, with the condition that they be sterilized.

  • WASP

    When blacks do it, everyone looks the other way afraid to say anything.

    When Mormons do it. They call them sick and disgusting backward people.

    The only difference it, Mormon men support their kids. Think about it. Is this world backward or what?

  • SKIP

    “If a black man won’t support one woman with her children, how on Earth will he support many women and their many children?”

    Well now! that isn’t the point is it? The point is for the various women on welfare to support their man! And most black women DO share their man, they just don’t know about it.

  • Mr.White

    “With the shortage of eligible black men, should black women just learn to happily share the men they have?”

    —————————————————————

    Does it even really matter? Would it change anything anyway if you “happily” accepted your reality? Apparently, this “sharing” is already going on, as blacks have something over 50% (don’t have the exact percentage as I write this) of their children born out of wedlock. Doesn’t sound as if a lot of commitment and monogamy is going on to begin with.

  • sbuffalonative

    Abortion on demand. No fault divorce. Homosexual marriage. Now polygamy.

    Bizarre ideas presented as solutions for problem people. Hey, nothing else seems to work so let’s do away with any and all standards!

    And the leftist mocks conservatives for saying tradition culture is under attack.

  • Anonymoose

    nothing new under the sun. this same idea was current among white, urban, middle-aged single women maybe two decades ago, I recall. the problem is, they were all looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Perfect or whoever, further reducing the size of the mate pool. really, on a sociobiological level, man sharing was no more than a scheme to stretch Mr. Right to cover all of the women who wanted to hook up with him.

    I doubt the situation is any different with black women. they do the same thing single white women do. they hook up with scoundrels or whoever can catch them at a vulnerable moment, while ignoring available men and dreaming their life away waiting for their prince to show up. sorry, but the black prince is doing the same thing as the white prince — hooking up with some hottie or a waitress or nail girl a generation younger than he is. or maybe two.

  • Ben

    Well there is an actual evolutionary argument to polygamy regardless of one’s personal moral or religious affiliation against the notion…

  • Jay Stein

    Monogamy is a cornerstone of Western Civilization. It should be strictly enforced. It’s one of the things that seperates the civilized and barbaric countries. It is literally animalistic as a dominant alpha male monopolizes females. Anyone who practices it in the U.S should be given a one way ticket to one of the hellholes where it’s legal and never be allowed to return.

  • Soprano Fan

    OK, Single and Proud, you’ve been a spinster for 40 years and are happy. It doesn’t mean that every woman should necessarily follow your lead.

  • Kenelm Digby

    European style marriage does not suit the black psyche, and what we are seeing is ageneral reversion back to the norm of the African bush.Rampant promiscuity with matriarchal women raising broods on their own with balck men palying the aprt of generalized fleeting inseminators.

  • Anonymous

    ANON #8 pointed out so clearly, how blacks just don’t belong in a Eiropean- created society. They evolved so radically different from us, they have radically different mores, wishes and capabilities.

    It is so true, what Jefferson, Franklin, and countless other wise- hell, even just awake whites knew hundreds of years ago; that blacks could NEVER belong, in white society, but would be the millstone about the neck of the white world.

    And so they are!

  • (AWG) Average White Guy

    8 — Anonymous

    Obama is the product of that fatherless African culture.

  • Middle American Jew

    From the article:

    “With the shortage of eligible black men, should black women just learn to happily share the men they have? Some deejays and rappers think so. From Beenie Man singing that “Man fi have nuff gal” to Shabba Ranks wishing for his Trailer Load A Girls…”

    Seriously, they are referencing rappers on the issue. That’s the best they could do? Is this the intellectual foundation of the black community. What is Beenie Man even saying? (I Googled Beenie Man – he’s what you would expect so save yourself the time).

    This is pitiful.

    Blacks are a tribal, primitive, violent, and un-evolved people. Just because they left Africa and wound up in America or the UK you’re not going to get “Ozzie and Harriet” or “The Waltons.”

    Here’s a secret – it’s not going to get any better. Until blacks are removed from western, white countries we are all doomed.

  • olewhitelady

    Basically, this article is saying, “Just suck it up, sisters!” Black women already know their black men have more than one woman on the string, and it would be the case even if every one of these men were not in prison, not gay, or not hooked up with white women. Apparently, most black American men marry nobody, since 3/4 of black women’s births are out of wedlock. If polygamy became legal in the U.S. tomorrow, few black men would take advantage. They don’t want the responsibility of one wife, so why in the dickens would they want two or more?!

    I suppose this black writer is desperately seeking some way to get black men to get married. I guess black women could try not giving away the milk until the cow is bought. But, of course, that would just mean things would go back to the way it used to be in the black community–mostly married men cheating.

  • Anonymous

    If I were a black woman, I would get some high IQ white sperm from a sperm bank. All of my kids would be full siblings (you can reserve extra vials of sperm from the same man), and although they would never meet their father, they would at least never have to deal with having a shiftless black man as a father. Growing up without a father would be tough, but it is normal in the black community anyway. At least they would have a shot at average intelligence.

  • Seek

    Back in the 80s there was a black female psychiatrist named Audrey Chapman who became famous for arguing the same thing: that black females need man-sharing since so many of the males were in prison, hospital, the homeless shelter or the graveyard. The “good” ones were available the idea of a harem. Actually, her counsel wasn’t necessary. Even when the male-to-female ratio in this country was more or less equal, monogamy was not practiced in their world. Never has been.

  • Anonymous

    Black people had a higher rate of marriage than white people in the 1950’s. Never underestimate the tragedies that can be created with the perverse incentives of bad social policy. As late as the mid 60’s, I was able to walk in black neighborhoods at night without being bothered. Fathers were still around to whip some sense into their sons. Black people went to church & feared God.

  • Was There

    “As late as the mid 60’s, I was able to walk in black neighborhoods at night without being bothered. Fathers were still around to whip some sense into their sons. Black people went to church & feared God.”

    _____________________

    Nonsense. You’re seeing the past through rose-tinted glasses. Black neighborhoods were just as bad then as they are now. Blacks have always been blacks.

  • Luke

    It has crossed my mind that if every black male between the ages of 14 and 60 had 3 or 4 black women to keep his needs satisfied, that maybe these crime prone black males would have less energy left over to rape and murder our white women.

    I say, this idea needs considerable examination.

  • Anonymous

    This article is useless. Most cultures of men prefer more than one woman. Look at “sister wives” on TV. This is a white guy with a harem of women all having babies. Look at Schwarzenegger and the other congressman that just stepped down. The list goes on for all cultures the difference black men may be more open about it..I guess

  • Marc B

    If single black women are going to become pregnant anyway, I prefer they do so with higher caliber black males that work and have half-way acclimated to Western Civilization. The Great Society has had widespread dysgenic consequences on those most dependent on government, and this could somewhat offset this.

    “I find that positive and intelligent black men and black women in the UK are more likely to find themselves single due to the fact that it is quite difficult for them to find someone on the same level as themselves”

    Why are there so few intelligent black men and women in Europe?

  • Single & Proud

    Hey, soprano, just because I’ve been single for a LONG time does not mean I was never married. I did marry, early, at 20, and realized after 4 years that it simply was not for me. Also, I do not say that ANYONE should follow my lead; I am simply saying that there is a perfectly acceptable alternative. It isn’t for everyone. In order to do what I do, you have to like meditation a lot, you have to like yourself enough to enjoy your own company, you need to like animals (I have a cat whom I adore), AND you need to be willing to step out into the community to make your own friends. Church, Toastmasters, interest clubs, political groups – all are ways to socialize and get the human needs met. I am lucky enough to have a great extended family, so that is another way to commune with others. Volunteer stuff, too, has proved a wonderful way to connect with people. You just don’t have to do your life according to anybody else’s agenda. Make your own!!

  • Single & Proud

    Hey, soprano, just because I’ve been single for a LONG time does not mean I was never married. I did marry, early, at 20, and realized after 4 years that it simply was not for me. Also, I do not say that ANYONE should follow my lead; I am simply saying that there is a perfectly acceptable alternative. It isn’t for everyone. In order to do what I do, you have to like meditation a lot, you have to like yourself enough to enjoy your own company, you need to like animals (I have a cat whom I adore), AND you need to be willing to step out into the community to make your own friends. Church, Toastmasters, interest clubs, political groups – all are ways to socialize and get the human needs met. I am lucky enough to have a great extended family, so that is another way to commune with others. Volunteer stuff, too, has proved a wonderful way to connect with people. You just don’t have to do your life according to anybody else’s agenda. Make your own!!

  • hellohampton

    from comment eight:”but this is done as the group effort in the tribe rather than as father-son bonding.”

    If you substitute “tribal effort” with welfare, blacks in America have recreated exactly the social contract that they use in W. Africa. I can’t hate them for this. In a perverse way its actually a testimony to the human spirit that they have persisted in the face of so much time and effort spent to “civilize” them. A true acknowledgment of human biodiversity would necessitate separation in order to allow all groups of people the ability to live under their own social mores.

    Btw, There were examples of whites in pre-Christian Europe practicing matriarchal polygamy[some Celts/Germanics/Lithuanians]. some Dardic[Iranian] peoples in Kashmir/Ghanny/Iran practice polyandry with one women marrying several brothers and spending a season with each.

  • Luke

    All humor aside, realistically, this idea – if it caught hold and became the norm – would result in a nightmare of epic and fatal proportions for Whites in any White European nation which had a sizable percentage of blacks. Imagine if the black 13 percent of the population we already suffer under (via crime, violence, drugs, rape, welfare parasitism, social dysfunctionality, degeneracy) were to skyrocket to 25, or 35 or 40 percent of America’s population?

    Are there any white imbeciles out there who refuse to believe that the massive negative statistics that emanate from the black demographic group would not also skyrocket in a corresponding and directly proportional fashion? Can anyone envision the entire North American continent being transformed into a huge Detroit that stretches from coast to coast?

  • SNAviatrix

    What race deniers (and some race realists too, unfortunately) fail to understand is that (relative) black stability and monogamy in their relationships in the days of slavery and Jim Crow was NOT blacks’ natural condition. The rampant out-of-wedlock births, paternal irresponsibility, and “shacking up” that are characteristic of the black community today are not some unnatural condition that LBJ and his “Great Society” forced blacks into, as liberals and neocons would have you believe. Rather, LBJ’s “Great Society” merely unleashed blacks to revert to their natural African ways. In the urban areas of Detroit, Camden, and Gary, blacks recreated the situation of the African jungle as best they could.

  • Charles Hastings

    #16: That’s 72%!

  • rjp

    Marc B wrote at 3:12 PM on July 15:

    Why are there so few intelligent black men and women in Europe?

    Are there a great many in the USA?

    RNC Chair Michael Steele’s sister, an “affirmative action” pediatrician, was married to Mike Tyson, a mental 5-8 year old.

    Think about what the press would do to a white male pediatrician who married a retarded white female?

  • NAVY

    This article is trying to make a case for a return to the type of polygamy associated with African tribes.

    If Africans and blacks in white nations want to participate in the modern world, blacks will first need a philosophy and social construct to atleast be consistent in the third world. Blacks require a philosophy in sync with their pathology and above the regression of feudal tribalism.

    A black return to polygamy could place whites at greater risk by officially resigning the majority of blacks to a lower social tier while retaining the same competitive standards as 30% of blacks and the majority of whites.

  • Clytemnestra

    I have never had a problem with polygamy (what arrangements consenting adults come up with are their own damned business) as long those who engage in it remain self-supporting. I imagine that these women would all be responsible for chipping in to pay the bills and would have to limit their families to feed their children. Maybe the man would be enough of a presence to impose some kind of order on the children. I don’t know.

    All I know is that I blame Johnson’s Great Society for increasing the number of lazy, unproductive people on the dole in our society. Most of these people would have never been born if their parents were required to support them. I think we need to pay people to be permanently sterilized as an incentive, cut off all welfare, build orphanages to house any children whose parents refuse to support them and also garnish their wages to help support them in the orphanages to put an end to this.