John Blake, CNN, July 1, 2009
She broke off relationships with men who didn’t want to settle down. She refused to get pregnant out of wedlock. She prayed for a child.
{snip}
“I get bored in relationships after a couple of years,” [one fiancee] told her, she recalls.
Those events could have caused some women to give up their dreams of motherhood. But Duren, a pharmaceutical saleswoman, didn’t need a man to be a mom. At 37 years old, she decided to adopt.
{snip}
Marriage and motherhood—it’s the dream that begins in childhood for many women. Yet more African-American women are deciding to adopt instead of waiting for a husband, says Mardie Caldwell, founder of Lifetime Adoption, an adoption referral and support group in Penn Valley, California.
“We’re seeing more and more single African-American women who are not finding men,” Caldwell says. “There’s a lack of qualified black men to get into relationships with.”
The numbers are grim. According to the 2006 U.S. Census Bureau’s American Community Survey, 45 percent of African-American women have never been married, compared with 23 percent of white women.
Yet the decision to adopt isn’t just driven by the paucity of eligible African-American men, others say.
Toni Oliver, founder and CEO of Roots Adoption Agency in Atlanta, Georgia, says her agency sees more single African-American women adopting because of infertility issues.
Some of the infertility issues may be related to advancing age or health issues, she says. But the result of not being a mother for many older African-American women is the same: panic.
{snip}
Some single African-American women deal with another challenge: criticism for bringing another African-American child into a single-parent household.
{snip}
Yet there are some single African-American women who are not emotionally ready to adopt an African-American child who is too dark, some adoption agency officials say.
Fair-skinned or biracial children stand a better chance of being adopted by single black women than darker-skinned children, some adoption officials say.
“They’ll say, ‘I want a baby to look like a Snickers bar, not dark chocolate,’” Caldwell, founder of Lifetime Adoption, says about some prospective parents.
“I had a family who turned a baby down because it was too dark,” she says. “They said the baby wouldn’t look good in family photographs.”
{snip}
Original article
(Posted on July 17, 2009)
Comments
Regardless of their reasons, they should be able to pick and choose who the heck they want to adopt! Why would the naysayers even attempt to push a dark baby on someone who doesn’t want it? Eventually, the resentment would be inflicted on the child in some form or another. The rare case when the child would be accepted without consequence is minimal.
Quite frankly, I wonder if this is simply a Black issue. I line in Portland,Oregon Here there are a growing number of White women who are opting to raise and adopt children witohut a husband as well.
How can this be?
If the white man is the devil, and black is beautiful, why in the world would black women want racially mixed children?
You see this hypocrisy everywhere. White people are supposedly hated, yet “black” people, many who are 80-90% “white”, can somehow still be accepted as “black”.
By their own actions and behavior, blacks often show contempt and are ashamed of their own race.
In addition to this adoption scenario, the proof is everywhere.
In sitcoms, movies, commercials, beauty pageants, rap videos —- racially mixed blacks are always cherry picked to represent the black race.
If whites are selected, the blacks howl. Yet if “blacks” that are 80-90% white are selected…it’s all good!!! How pathetic.
Too bad blacks have to piggy back on the genetics of the very race they hate so much.
I would imagine there is seething resentment among “real” dark skinned blacks —- watching racially mixed blacks with the genes of the hated white race being trotted out for the cameras.
WOW! And if a White says they only want to adopt a “light skinned” (White) child they are admonished! Even by their own churches. They want them to adopt dark skinned African children.
How sad, these poor kids are being turned down for being too dark. At the same time adoption agencies are screaming because of the lack of black adoptive parents. I supposed that these dark black babies and children often end up with white adoptive parents?
“The numbers are grim. According to the 2006 U.S. Census Bureau’s American Community Survey, 45 percent of African-American women have never been married, compared with 23 percent of white women.”
And what they don’t reveal in that group of 45% single black females is that every one of them seethes with hatred EVERYTIME they see a black male with a woman of another race.
The libs just love to point out that “racist” white men don’t like mixed relationships with blacks. But they’re so childish and naive in most all racial things they fail to notice that it is with black females where the hatred really lies. Of course we hear nothing of that.
The largest number of children eligible for adoption are black and there are only so many Whites that are going to take in little Shantiqua or V’antaay. I wonder if this story is real or some concoction to con blacks into taking care of their own children. It seems to me that black women don’t need to adopt as they have plenty of out of wedlock babies.
“Yet the decision to adopt isn’t just driven by the paucity of eligible African-American men, others say”.
The “lack of qualified black men” is in no way a factor in the likelihood of a black woman finding a spouse. Unless, of course, the ones who tell us to see beyond race can’t see beyond race.
Slightly off-topic, but I don’t think single people should be allowed to adopt. Children need two parents—a mother and a father—and they need to be of the same race. Otherwise you’re going to have problems.
“The numbers are grim. According to the 2006 U.S. Census Bureau’s American Community Survey, 45 percent of African-American women have never been married, compared with 23 percent of white women.”
“Grim”? Don’t they realize that a major cause of this “grimness” is that black men are chasing white/Asian women instead of their own? Funny how interracial dating/marriage is depicted as the greatest thing since sliced bread - and then, when the inevitable results come in, it’s “grim”.
Slightly off-topic too, but the last quote contains a reference that I get angry about everytime I read or hear it:
“’I had a family who turned a baby down because it was too dark…’”
A baby (or a fetus) is a human being, not an IT. Is it too much to ask to use “he or she” rather than “it”?
I saw an episode of Donahue or something once where a black woman said she wanted to get impregnated by a white man so her baby would have “good hair.”
Alexandra wrote at 10:42 PM on July 17:
I agree with the race issue but do you think it’s better for black children to languish in foster homes for the rest of their pre-adult lives or be adopted by a single black woman?
“I saw an episode of Donahue or something once where a black woman said she wanted to get impregnated by a white man so her baby would have “good hair.””
I’m sure Donahue and the studio audience all congratulated themselves after their competition to see who could pronounce this to be ‘sick’ the loudest before driving back home to their neighborhoods filled up with the black man/white girlfriend demographic.
I tried dating black women for a time, figuring they were a largely untapped resource who have trouble finding men. First you have to sort through the 95% of them who talk about being open-minded but refuse to date outside their race. Then you have to screen out the moochers and Section 8 Queens looking for someone to pay their bills. What you’re left with is a handful of women who refuse to believe a white man could actually love them.
These people have ISSUES! They are absolutely obsessed with race, and harbor one huge inferiority complex… perhaps deservedly so. As for me, I’d be perfectly happy to never see another black woman as long as I live.
Conservatives always yodel about over 70% of black babies being born outside marriage. But the truth is there are not all that many marriageable black males out there. Often these black women have to choose being a single parent or being alone their whole lives.
If a white person in the U.K. said they only wanted to adopt a white child, they would be arrested and charged with a ‘hate crime’ - seriously. If a white landlord put a sign up saying “Whites only” he would spend YEARS in prison. If a white person specified that they wanted a white taxi driver, they again would be facing ‘criminal’ charges.
Laws which we, the majority, never got to vote on - i.e. undemocratic laws, the ‘laws’ of tyranny.
Jewamongyou wrote
“Grim”? Don’t they realize that a major cause of this “grimness” is that black men are chasing white/Asian women instead of their own? Funny how interracial dating/marriage is depicted as the greatest thing since sliced bread - and then, when the inevitable results come in, it’s “grim”.>
May I add is that the reason why Black women are not marrying at the same rate of Whites is not because of Black men marrying women of other races. As it has been proven MOST marriages are within the same race. The real reason Black women are not marrying has to do with Blacks themselves, NOT Whites. You can’t blame Asians or Whites for this. It is real simple…..
2) More Black men are in prisons, on probation, on parole etc…..Many Black women do not want to deal with that drama either. Also from my experience Black men tend to be more intimidated and/or jealous if a woman is smarter and more professional than he is. If the men know they are inadequate they tend to react negatively(ex violent, emotional abuse, etc) to the women out of insecurity.
Now if a single woman wants to love and adopt a child, let her. As long as she is stable and caring and able to provide for the child I see no reason why she cannot adopt.
#13—Given the choice between a single black woman and a foster home, the foster home might actually be better. Especially if the foster home has two parents.
No matter how you slice it, black children are statistically more likely to become criminals. How about that black 7-year-old who stole his grandmother’s SUV and didn’t care if people got hurt?
How did black people in Africa live in 1850? What kind of homes were they born in? Note how despite all their protestations blacks never think of returning to Africa. They aren’t THAT stupid.
#9 Alexandra, I agree with the idea that it takes two parents, a man and woman, in general, to raise a well rounded person. Single parenthood shouldn’t be encouraged. By the way, the comment by some people who wanted to adopt, that, the dark baby wouldn’t look good in family photographs, makes it clear to me how difficult it must be to decide who should be eligible to adopt children.
Foster parents are paid to take the kids. Some people will take as many as six and treat it like a business. What’s better for a kid, one adoptive parent or two paid overseers?
— LouLou wrote-
So you mean they get these children from men they would not consider marrying.
Thought-proviking question department…
If Black women wishing to adopt PREFER light-skinned children… just WHAT does that tell us, I wonder.
Alas, children from single parent households are more likely to drift into social pathologies. A two parent household is the best way to avoid poverty for women. With that said, I don’t blame educated black single women for adopting children by themselves. I guess one caring parent is better than none? Too many immature black men can’t be responsible parents and the best and brightest are spoiled by too much female attention. As for black women wanting light skinned children, should that really surprise most posters to this site?
I really don’t blame them for wanting to adopt “light skinned children”. You really can’t get any better than Blonde hair and Blue eyes. The sad thing is that all these kids will grow up to be a bunch of ignorant liberals who are ashamed of their Whiteness.
